In this age of relaxed standards of dress (or just plain rebellious dressing), much of which has been termed as "living porn", I worry about my daughter and the pressures she will face just to fit in with the societal norms. Boys get more and more used to seeing more and more skin (especially with the porn epidemic we are in right now), so, many young women feel like they have to cover less and less of their body just to get the boys' attention. Others dress in tight, skimpy or revealing clothing as a way of expressing themselves (which is another way of getting attention).
One thing I have learned is that it takes parents who are not afraid to speak to their daughters and risk offending them in order to teach morals and standards.
Here are a few tips I have learned to help my daughter dress appropriately and understand her true worth:
- Start early. It's easier to raise a modest daughter than convert one. Even as a toddler, refrain from dressing her in sun dresses and two-piece swimsuits and the like. It is true that a 1 year old in a sundress is not immodest, but at what age is it? And where do you draw the line? In truth, whatever she gets used to as a child will be what she'll be comfortable wearing as a teen.
- Be an Example. Don't expect your daughter to follow a dress code that you do not follow.
- Teach her the sanctity of her body and to respect it and value it and keep it pure. Talk with her about the importance of modesty as a way to first honor God, then herself, and also others.
- Dads: Speak up! When she tries on something that draws undue attention to her body, speak up and ask her to change. I know of a father who often threw his daughter's clothes in the trash if they didn't meet his expectations. He also wasn't afraid to tell her to "Go put some clothes on." And yes, you fathers have a lot of influence in this area. You know what clothes will draw undue attention to certain areas of her body. Given today's styles, often our young women need to wear a shirt underneath a vest or tank-top type shirt. If the undershirt isn't worn, then don't be afraid to throw the immodest one out. Speak up, you're her father!
- Moms: Speak up! (And listen to your husband) Often you are the ones who buy the clothes with your daughter. Use this time to teach the importance of modesty and help her find modest solutions. Way too many mothers call an outfit "cute" that really should be defined as sexy. Be the voice of reason, speak up! You're not her girlfriend, you're her mother!
- Emphasize and praise her schoolwork, her athletic ability, her true beauty and her goodness. Show her she has worth as a daughter of God.
- Know all her friends and make sure they know you. Help her choose good examples.
- Beware of sports and dance groups and theatrics. Often an exception to the rule of modesty is used for these groups. For some reason we think that girls have to wear skimpy, tight or revealing clothes to play sports, but boys are fine in knee-length shorts and t-shirts (for example, look at the super-short-skin-tight-leave-nothing-to-the-imagination shorts that girls wear for volleyball, or the skirts for girls tennis). Cheerleading is based on the attention their bodies can get (Don't believe me? Why do they wear short skirts and lift their legs and turn upsidedown a lot, if not to give boys the hope that somehow they will catch sight of underwear. Why do they have shirts that don't cover their belly, then do a lot of raising their arms and back bends and other things that raise the shirt even higher, if not to make the boys crazy with hope that they'll catch a sight of the girl's chest. All of these moves can be done in t-shirts tucked into warmup pants, so why don't they?). Many ballet, ballroom, hip-hop, drill team and other groups unfortunately don't think as much about modesty as they should either. And many girls have worn their first immodest clothing in public, on a stage for a play. Speak up to their coaches/directors about modesty and encourage a change. Work with the other parents and the girls themselves. Or teach your daughter to have the self-worth to leave.
- Emphasize the words: beauty, pretty, clean and sharp. Stay away from the terms: Hot, sexy and alluring. Sexy means someone is sexually attracted to her, which isn't a focus I want boys to have when they first see my daughter.
- Parents: work every day to improve your relationship with each other and your daughter. Show her what true relationships are founded on: trust, respect, love and selflessness. She will learn and see what she wants in a boy based on how her parents interact and love each other.
- Pray. Pray for them. Pray with them. Let them know their Heavenly Father is interested in what they do, and that He loves them.
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