Agency

                We are taught from an early age the importance of agency, and its role in the plan of salvation. Agency is the freedom to choose. We talk about that freedom often, and encourage our kids to choose the right, but do we teach the other half of agency? We are free to choose our actions, but we’re not free to choose our consequences.

                Sadly, I’ve seen many parents who choose to protect their kids from the consequences of their actions. They push the blame of their child’s bad behavior or academic performance on anyone but their child. If their kid is failing math, it’s because the teacher is a terrible teacher.  If they act out, it’s because they need to express themselves and the teacher is too controlling. If they get caught speeding or drinking or other infractions with the law, it is their friends fault, or worse, the cop is targeting their kid and should leave them alone.

                I guess what I’m saying is that our kids need to feel the consequences of their actions. When we protect them from consequences, we’re raising children without guilt and remorse. We’re teaching them that they are above everyone else, and that arguing can get you out of everything.

It is ok to let your child fail and experience hard times. Pain and suffering are part of this life and if we protect them from the consequences of their actions, they never learn to correct their actions. They never learn true agency and responsibility for their actions.

As with many things, this must start with you. Your example speaks louder than words. If your kids see you argue about blame or guilt (try to get out of a ticket, push blame away, even put others down to lesson your ‘crimes’), they’ll learn it’s ok.

Have the strength and humility to say, “I’m sorry.” Admit weakness and guilt. It doesn’t weaken your kids view of you, it strengthens it. If they know mom and dad aren’t perfect, but are trying to improve, they’ll believe they can too.